Deep Thoughts

Around Christmas time, my mom bought me a bunch of "chick lit" books for cheap through Barnes and Noble. I'm talking $2 or $3 for these books! Anyways yesterday I felt like crap, so I went home, curled into a ball and read one of the books called, Fifteen Minutes Of Shame. It's about a relationship expert who finds out her husband is cheating on her and he takes his kids (from a previous marriage) and moves in with the whore. This book had me crying half the time because it reminded me of my Ex.

"Maybe I played a bigger part in the collapse of the relationship than I'd thought. I wonder if ____ sensed that on some level I was keeping him at arms length? I wonder if he saw how deeply I loved the children, how unprotected I was around them, how quickly I let them in? Maybe he saw what he was missing. I wonder if that might be the very thing that drove him away?"

"I love them absolutely and think of them as my own. However, I was the substitute, the one who stepped in while their mother wasn't there for them. And it doesn't really matter if I was better at the job, or if I wanted it more..."